weird dream

I dont know,  i keep remembering this dream. It just happen once and it haunted me almost everyday up until today. I dont know how to react to this kind of dream.

It was my "akad nikah" day. My husband to be,  look very nervous, i know this man.  He is shaky at one corner, he come to me, n i didnt know what we're doing, i think i get mad, i convince him, he can do it. He look terrible. He is so scared and i feel like this wont do. We cant get married if he did not brave enough to pronounced the akad correctly.

Suddenly, he was able to lafaz that akad nikah very fluently, then, i heard the sah "word". This situation happen as fast as a flash. That is the last thing i remember.

After that dream, the whole day, i keep thinking about that, should i or should not tell him.

I was very curious, what is the meaning behind this dream. I search in the internet an it said we will get married soon.

I hope so, i'm waiting for that moment acctually. Seriously i have no idea, i put everything in Allah hand and i solemly belive in Him. If this is my destiny, i accept with my open hand. If not, it mean, kitorang mmg xde jodoh. Klu ada , ada lah,, i'm tired already. What is enough is enough for me. If i still have the right to be love by someone and love him as well, it will be my total happiness.

Wallahualam bisowab. Hanya Allah yang tahu segala sesuatu.

Everything seeem so wrong.. semua serba x kena

Dah brapa hari dah macam ni.

I dont know where is all my thought go.. It went somewhere else which I also cant detect what is the exact thing am i thinking.

But for sure, i'm still waras.

Today, i left my notebook, my only khazanah and full of information for todays class. It seem i have to get it back at my room. See, simple thing, how come i forget that important book.

More seriously, i cut my own fingers when i cut orange. Purposely dont want to use cutting board, end up, i cut my own finger..  Nonsense. Dalam pulak tu luka. Ntah apa yg difikirnya pon tak tahu. Peliks.

Worst, i left my room keys in the locked room. Dah satu hal pulak kena pecahkan tombol. Tragis betul.

Hopefully i can make up my mind, and be more focus. Apalah. Kuat berangan sangat ni..

Mohon para medical expertise dpt jumpa ubat utk penyakit camni.

Everything seem so wrong.. :(

Azam, impian dan harapan

Tetiba malam ni bru nk buat resolution, sblm ni pernah buat, tp tak pernah tercapai pon.

Ni dh nk masuk 1 April, bermula GST, maka, i have to  rewrite my resolution.

First thing first, by the end of this semester, i mesti jadi the best person i can be. That is my promise, to be more human. Bkn sbb sblm ni makhluk lain, tp sbb sblm ni, i byk fokus pada diri sendiri ja. Org lain, i x campur.

Now, i have to change, lebihkan ukhwah, bukan bermaksud ukhwah sblm ni xbest, cuba jadikan best balik, nk turun machnag balik utk usrah mmg agak mustahil lah, so, kena cari la group baru, untuk refresh balik iman yg kadang2 seperti pasir di persisiran pantai ni.

Azam 1 Cuba jadi pemaaf
xguna pon putuskan silaturahim yg pernah terjalin,, benda dah jadi, just perbaiki diri dan jadikan ia sbg pengajaran di masa hadapan. The point is, maafkan dia. Jernihkan semula, org yg memaafkan itu lebih baik. Sedangkan nabi ampunkan umat, ini kan kita manusia biasa. Semua org pernah buat silap. Yg penting dia dh bertaubat dan menyesal dgn kesalahan dia, tugas kita, maafkan dia, selebihnya, serahkan kpd Allah yg maha kuasa. I nk bina hidup baru. Move forward. What is past, is past, we cant change it anymore, bit we can change our future. Sebenarnya, it make me stronger.

Azam 2  nak kurus. Fit. Dan lansing.
Most important thing. Nk konvo nanti kena kurus jugak by hook or by crook. No more mkn lewat mlm. Xyah gatai tgn nk mkn berat2 pukul 12 tgh mlm. Itu sgt melampau. Cukup cukup sudah. Exercise n tidur mesti cukup. If not, ko fikir lah sendiri.

Azam 3: dptkan 4 flat
Usaha dear, study rajin sikit, xguna klu x 4 flat. Seumur hidup kempunan, this is your last chance.

Azam4: tingkatkan ibadah
Puasa sunat plis, solat dhuha, tahajud, jgn time ada masalah saja. Sentiasa. Ingat pd Allah, apa2 pon, tanggungjawab sebagai muslim, laksanakan dengan cemerlang.

Azam 5 : jaga kesihatan.
Alhamdulillah so far so good, tp masa depan ni tak terduga. Kena konsisten, displin agar maintain sihat dan cantik selamanya.

Azam 6  : rajinkn diri mengemas
Sesapa yg nmpak diriku ini malas, sila la tegur ye.

Azam 7 : tidur awal dan cukup
Sleep before 11

Itu jela azam buat masa sekarang.insyaAllah semuanya achieveable, doakan ye.


Impian- i nk jadi rektor atau top executive in big company, or paling kurang jadi bos syarikat sendiri. I nk bukak restoran, ada butik, ada bakary, ada bahan bacaan, ada kompleks sendiri la sng cerita.  I nk try semua.

My actual dream is to become an artist(pelukis) i love art so much, i love photography world, im not creative but i hope i'm a creative person, sikit sikit tu boleh la, because creativity is a gift and i think, im gifted to become a creative person, yet belom diasah lagi, org ckp bakat terpendam la.. Ada, cuma xde masa utk exposed diri dlm bidang seni kreatif lagi, i cuma berminat lah, itu passion i sbnrnya. Sirius, dri dulu i suka melukis, cuma xtau teknik yg betul je, minat tu dh ada. Mungkin bila dh pencen bru nk kejar my dream ni.

N one more, i love to dance, tp sbb i muslimah, dancing agak keterlaluan utk diexposekan sbb tarian x boleh lari dari jadi seksi, buat la camna pon, even zapin sekalipon, gerak tari tu sendiri, penuh dgn tarikan, nmpk bentuk badan, menggoda, semua la. Mmg xboleh lari dri semua tu. I tried. N i wish akan ada pusat menari khas utk girls ja. Bru la fun. Ke arah konsep muslimah gitu, kelas ballet, tango, jazz yg tertutup khas utk women. That my dream. So girls xyah malu malu utk dance all day. Sah dri segi syarak jugak. Dapat menghindarkan diri dri dosa. Xde la girls lepak kt club lagi.

Cita-cita- sbnrnya nya cita cita saya nk jd pramugari, tp tinggi x cukup.
Harapan- agar sentiasa bahagia sepanjang hayat dan menjadi muslimah yang bertakwa kepada Allah SWT

My UPTA

Upta ni adalah sejenis skim siswazah gitu la. Stand for undergraduate p.. Teaching Assistent, maksudnya, mcm penolong lecturer la.

Klu dr yg buat research, jadi la research assistant. Ni dh, kos IM, of kos la teaching assistant je namanya.

Gaji, rm25 sejam. 6 jam seminggu, selama 14 minggu.
Korng kira  sndiri la brapa dpt.

Kerjanya, tolong je pensyarah tu, dia suruh buat kerja, buat la.. Klu dia suruh relaks, relaks jela. Very flexible, no specific time, no specific work. Maknanya x terikat sgtla, xde la ganggu aktiviti harian yg lain.

As long as you do the work, complete 6 hour per week. Excellent.

In my case, i was assigned to prof madya  Dr. Sazili Shahibi.  Ok je so far, dia suruh help dia tulis buku, so, my work is to get the info, fahamkan n tulis la chapter 1: Introduction. Very simple. Anytime i can do it.  Xde pon pukul brapa ke pukul brapa, baru 2 kali ja jumpa, pukul 3  ptg sblm masuk klas.

After this, xtahu la, baru 3 minggu kt sini. So far so good.  So now, i'm full time student with UPTA and timbalan presiden FIMP grads society. In Sya Allah, dgn izin Allah, akan ku jaga amanah dan tangungjawab yg diberikan dgn sebaik mungkin.

Satu pintaku, jgn la kna develop system pasni. Nauzubillah. Dh cukup dh sistem sedia ada. Nak byk mna lagi. Sudah cukup cukup sudah.

Goodnite
Ma'aas salamah, wa'ilalliqa'. 

terkunci : cara buka pintu mudah

Hah, sadis sekali kisahnya, amat tragis, pkul 6.30 pagi terkejar kejar bas smpi lupa kunci bilik ada atas katil.

Ya robbi, nk buat camna, terpaksa tunggu balik kursus nanti la bru boleh fikirkan solusi.

Hbis kursus pukul 6, terus solat asar, godek2 dri luar dgn harapan tingkap sliding tu xkunci' hampeh, kunci rupanya. Xjalan.

Wajib kena buka pintu, tingkap terlalu tinggi nk lompat, risiko org sekeliling  nmpak agak tinggi, bahaya dan mencurigakan. No no.

Godek utube, cara umpil pintu, semua guna dawai, mna nk cari oi.. Xjumpa, tanya wasap family, tuan rumah semua, disuruh ketuk kuat kuat,
Alhamdulillh, berjaya.

Caranya, ambil apa benda keras ketuk tombol sekuat hati, jgn guna hammer, rosak pintu nnti. Lpik kain kt tombol pastu ketuk dgn kekuatan hulk hogan, pekej jeritan teakwando. Haiiiiyahhhh... Beberapa kali xpe, nnti lock tu akan terjentat sendiri. Klu x godek godek la sikit, In Sya Allah, berjaya. Yey.

Alhamdulillah, bahagia sekali dpt jumpa katil slpas hari yg xbrapa nk ceria.

Wa ilalli'qa

Pengalaman ke kursus perkahwinan

Untuk makluman, kursus pra-perkahwinan ni dianjurkan oleh pihak JAIS dan acis, UiTM.  Bayaran, harga student Rm60, staff Rm80. Murah lagi jika dibandingkan dgn kursus di luar. Ni pakej sekali dgn makanan yg delicious. Sblm kena GST, baik kita buat cepat cepat. :)

kursus ni meliputi 8 slot ceramah. Hahaha, sukati aja guna ayat. Maafkan saya cikgu. Ada 2 hari kursus, so, satu hari, 4 ceramah. Pagi 2 slot, petang 2 slot. Begitu juga utk keesokan harinya.

Hari pertama, 28Mac2015

Slot 1: Aqidah
Ni secara ringkas la yer. Ustaz ni mmg sempoi, sedap suaranya mengaji, klako pon klako. Jadi byk la input yg dapat, betapa pentingnya aqidah dlm perkahwinan ni,  cara hidup islam, penyelesaian dan persoalan hidup, amalan utk kukuhkan aqidah, pastu bab ibadah semua lah. Byk jugak doa yg dia bg utk diamalkn. Last ceramah tu dia nyanyi lagu nur kasih by inteam tu. Pergh, mmg best lah.

Slot 2: perkahwinan dan prosedur
Perggh, yg ni lagi best, awal2 lg dh lawak. Dia cerita bab kawin la, maksud perkahwinan tu apa, cara nk kawin,tujuan kawin, rukun nikah, persediaan kawin la mcm macam, sumpah lawak, dengan jawanya. Mmg pitam dibuatnya asyik gelak jer, pekat sekali jawo.. tu.. Sgt comel. Namanya ustaz Md Adib Mahyus Asmungi. Salute, 5 star bagi. Xterasa pon 2 jam ceramah.

lpas rehat dan solat zohor.

Slot 3: pengurusan konflik.
Yg ni stress. Asyik gelak je kerjanya. Lawak tahap himalaya jugak. Selamber je, dia cerita, Ustaz Suhaimi ni byk pengalaman, so, dia crita based on dia punya experience sendiri, bentuk2 konflik, apa tu nusyuz, syiqaq, darar etc. Best la. Ayat yg paling touch my heart, yg bg kesan to me is "ambil dgn baik, pulangkan juga dgn cara yg baik". Yela, kawin elok elok, nnti klu dh xsuka, ceraikan la baik baik, apahal nk tendang tendang, pijak perut semua. Ha, kn emosi disitu, klu husband and wife jalankan tangungjawab masing2 InsyaAllah, bahagia rumahtangga. Sedih jugak dengar kisah yg x small matter pon boleh bawak cerai berai..Sbb donat, sbb ubat gigi, sbb kentut, sbb tilam lama tkar baru, bini lama tukar baru.. Benda kecik, jgn diperbesarkan. Nauzubillah.


Slot 4 : komunikasi suami isteri.
So, komunikasi amat penting, no touching, terguris bagai, klu isteri marah, jgn dilayan, buat derk je. Jaga hubungan.  Kepercayaan amat penting, suami cakap, dengar, dengar, beri perhatian. Praktis romantik smpi liang lahad. Bercinta lps kawin lg manis, berdoa utk kesejahteraan bersama. In Sya Allah, klu dh jodoh, xkemana.

2nd day.
Slot 5: pengurusan talaq, taklik, fasakh, prosedur
Klu smlm bab kawin aje, harini bab cerai, bab talaq, melepaskan ikatan perekahwinan. Lebihkan ajakan, kurangkan arahan. Bahagi kerja sama2..  Jaga hati masing masing. Kdg2 sbb mals lipat baju je talak. So, byk la dia cerita psl jenis2 talak ni, fasakh, lian semua.pastu berkabung, ihdad, iddah semua, so dia ajar la camna nk wujudkan keluarga mawaddah wa rahmah.  Klu isteri mengandung merajuk, guna jari telunjuk pujuk, sbb kt pusat mak ada kaki baby.

Slot 6: akhlak
Contohilah akhlak rasul junjungan. Nabi Muhammad SAW.  Guna kaedah sandwish, berkata benar walaupon pahit, jgn buat suami stress, masing masing ada kekurangan kelebihan, kita saling melengkapi. Laki ada magic fingers, Perempuan ada magic button. Ucapkan sayang. Akhlak baik, insaAllah, rumahtangga harmoni.

Slot 7: kewangan dan masa
Khidupan slpas kawin camna. Wasatiyyah, bersederhana. Budget plan. Smpi ada yg ddk dlm kotak. So kena didik utk perancangan masa depan. Make sure, rezeki tu halal dan barakah.

Slot 8: kesihatan.
Jaga kesihatan, jaga kebersihan, makanan, riadah. Check thalasemia, hiv semua. Mati p***k, Preknen, baby 7 bulan keatas mesti bergerak 10 kali setiap hari. Mnyusu guna putng xcup, perancang keluarga. Semua benda dia cerita. Smpi takut nk beranak. Syukur Alhamdulillah, Allah bg sifat pelupa sakitnya nk beranak. Klu x, mmg serik da. Cea, mcm ada pengalaman.

Overall, hri pertama best, seronot beronok ronok.. Rasa xsabaq nk kawin. Hari kedua, terus rasa xnak kawin, takut. Takut kena cerai, takut nk mengandung, nk beranak, semua la. Pastu bosan sikit la maybe sbb dh bosan dgn benda yg sama dan letih dgn pakej xcukup tidur :(

N hari kedua ni jugala kunci bilik tertinggal dlm bilik. Next entry paaal operasi pecahkan tombol.

Start to write

Assalamualaikum and very good evening everyone.

Its Saturday and it have been approximately 2 weeks since i register my master in uitm Puncak Perdana,

So far, everything went well,

I stay with my friend since we were in Machang.

Today, i read, one inspirational blog, dr.wan and it make me realize that i have my own blog too.
I have to start write em coz i never know when my memories will be taken away from me.

One of my sister's student loss his memory just like that. in just one hold breath.
Just imagine, after i finish publish this entry, all my memory gone.. blurgff.. blank.. Alzheimer or any accident can happen at the time that we can never imagine.

When thinking of that student, before i became like him. I want my family to know that I love them so much. I love my ayah, who taking care of me since i was born, raise me with all his love than anyone else. Feed me until i'm grown up healthily. I'm so thankful to be your daughter ayah.
I love you more than anything. I promise to make you happy forever, dad. Thank you family for supporting me along this journey.. I'l never let u guys down. Its my promise.

Its raining outside, and it is freezing in here..

I guess that all for today. I will write more next time,

P/s : Today, K.Mariah will return to Malaysia after completing her umrah with husband and her's In Laws family.

K. Mah, Naufal and K.Jah on the other hand just return from LIMA at Langkawi.

and lonely me, doing a never ending assignment. :)

till we meet again. In Sha Allah.